hawaii

So last month Leif and I went on vacation to Hawaii.  While we in Kauai there was an unseasonable storm and we were literally stuck in our rental unit for three full days due to flooding.  At the time it was really shitty but we can laugh about it now.  Who can say that their vacation was literally declared a disaster by the government?  Seriously, there were Red Cross tents set up and emergency evacuation warnings and all kinds of other very un-fun vacationy things going on.

Oh well.  We still ended up having a good time, especially when we finally made it off Kauai and to Maui.


I've been meaning to share some photos for the last four weeks but just haven't gotten around to it until now.  Clio has recently decided that when she is awake, and that is most of the time now (naps?  not for her), she only wants to play with me.  She is currently napping -a rare moment- and so I am taking the time to slap these up here.

Kauai 

The 200sq ft studio guest house we were stuck in for three days.  There are worse places to be stuck, right?

The valley where we stayed.  That river there in the corner was what flooded, drowning the entire valley.

The only day that the weather was nice enough to go to the beach while in Kauai.  Makeshift tent for baby.  Creepy stalker poultry.

River flooding.

Last day in Kauai.

Maui

Probably the most beautiful view I'll ever have while breastfeeding.

Clio couldn't get enough of the water.  We gave up trying to get her to stop licking the water in the pool and in the ocean.  

My dear friend Jennie met us in Maui for the conference I went to.  

Rawrrrrrrr!!!!!

.vamos de vacaciones.

Sun on our faces.  Sand between our toes.  Water on our skin.

And the best part...nothing but the sound of the crashing of waves and the songs of birds in our ears.

A sharp contrast from the incessant barking of neighbors' dogs, the shrillness of police sirens, and the apartment rattling whomp-whomp-whomp-whomp of helicopter blades that we are accustomed to. 

We are really, truly going on a vacation.  Aside from some short trips up to Portland we haven't been on a real vacation together in over two years.   Between my graduate program and then my pregnancy and George's death there just hasn't been a good time until now.   So we have decided to just go ahead and use some of the money that we have been saving for our future home and get ourselves somewhere far away from here.

We decided on Honduras.  First Copan to see the Mayan ruins and then Utila to see our pale skin turn an unhealthy shade of pink. Yes, maybe Honduras is a tad bit politically uncertain right now what with last year's coup d'etat and all.  But as my husband loves to say, "It'll be fine."

Honduras seems amazing but in all honesty until this morning this vacation hasn't even really stirred in me anything more than a moderate amount of relief that we will be away from this apartment and the hope that I may be able to escape myself for a little bit.  For quite some time I have been finding it difficult to be excited about anything.  Passing my board exam, a new career, possibly a new city...things which I should be excited about but I am not.  I've been so focused on the past that the future is no more clear to me than why Nicolas Cage is still paid to make movies.  And how could something as mind-numbingly bad as a Nicolas Cage movie entice any bit of excitement (except for Leaving Las Vegas and Raising Arizona, those are good but they are anomalies)? 

Acceptance of George's death and acceptance of the new path life has laid out before me has also flooded me with a sense of apathy the likes of which I've never before experienced.  The grief counselor I've been seeing these last four months tells me what I have been feeling is common.  With acceptance often comes a deeper sense of sorrow, which is why in her experience working with grieving parents it is often one of the more difficult parts of the process for people to experience.

These days I try to focus on doing things that I am able to find some happiness in.  Going on long walks, flipping through design magazines, vegging out poolside with a friend, taking photos, and the one thing that always makes me happy...spending time with Leif.  

Utila 

Utila 

 Copan Ruins

My hope is that in the weeks before we leave I'll be able to develop more excitement for our trip than I currently have.  I mean, just look at this place.  If I can't get excited about going there then maybe things are worse than I think.

.this is what happens when you have a lack of imagination.

So with my exam date now on the horizon (gulp...August 17th) Leif and I are making plans to take a vacation.  We were pretty sure that we were going to go back to one of the places where we went for our honeymoon in Punta Uva, Costa Rica (we also went to Arenal).  However, since we last went there has been a change in the flights that go to San Jose from Los Angeles and there are no direct flights anymore.  Most flights will take us anywhere from 10 to 14 hours with the addition of layovers.  That wouldn't be a deal breaker except that from San Jose it is another 5 hours by car to the Caribbean side of the country.  When you add that time on to the flight time...well, it seems so less appealing when we are only going to be on vacation for about a week.


This is why this bums me out...

Costa Rica is beautiful.

If no Costa Rica then these are the main things I have to consider when trying to figure out another place to visit:
1. Travel time.  We don't want to travel for longer than half a day or so.
2. Beach.  There must be beautiful tropical beaches where other tourists are not swarming all over the place.
3. Safety.  I am chicken shit.  Seriously.  I am a huge pansy.
4. Low key.  Leif and I like our vacations sloooowwww.  Which is why Costa Rica is so great for us.  We can relate really well to all the sloths that live there.

Those four things don't seem like much but I am having a difficult time coming up with other options. 

• Hawaii is not going to happen since five months ago I was there for my third visit. 
• Mexico seems to be knocked out of the running by either 2 or 3 on my list.  Maybe I am incorrectly swayed by the media to think that non-touristy places in Mexico are dangerous for foreigners right now.  Please educate me if I am indeed being misled by popular media outlets.  Even though I trust the media 100% and they never, ever lie about anything.  Sarcasm, folks.
• The Florida Keys were a possibility but there is a good chance that the oil from the BP fiasco will be headed there next, which is truly heartbreaking.  
• We don't do cruises.  They freak me out.  I had a friend who used to work on a large cruise liner and she shared with me that people die all the time on cruises.  Elderly people will often just continually go on cruises until they die.  They are affectionately referred to as "white-lighters" by cruise staff.  And you know what that means?  Ghosts. 
• Canada is a nice place.  I like Canadians a lot.  But unless the geography of the world has been turned on its nose, tropical beaches aren't really to be found in our friendly northern neighbor's territories.

And so....that's it.  I'm out of ideas.  I guess my next step would be to start seeing what central/south American countries have direct flights from Los Angeles.  I am totally open to suggestions from all ten of you people out there that may be reading this.

.back on the chain gang.

This has been a hard week. 

It has only been three weeks since my c-section but I had to go back to school and back to clinic.  In some ways it has been really good for me to get back into a normal routine but in other ways it has been completely overwhelming.  I find myself utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, when I get home.  So much so that I don't feel much like cooking or eating and all I want to do is sit on the couch and zone out for the couple of hours before we go to bed.

On the bright side treating patients takes my mind off of my own issues by focusing on other people's issues.  I always enjoy talking with patients and making them feel comforted and taken care of. 

Yet I still don't know if I am going to get to graduate this year or if I am going to have to wait until next year, all because of the time I had to take off while I was in the hospital and after the c-section.  It is so hard living in limbo.  All I want to do is focus on grieving and healing after losing George and a big part of my emotional reserve is wrapped up in this whole graduation fiasco.

I just want to run away and go on vacation.  Somewhere warm and on the beach where there are no phones and no email and where Leif and I can be completely alone with each other.