i feel a lone flare in the night sky
even though I know better
he will never follow the light of my vigil back to this life
he will never return
and still i burn for him
a pathetic and obvious exercise in futility
i want him
always
always
always
i'm habituated to the dull ache
there, always, in the periphery
even when i am happy
still incomplete
tonight the dull ache is sharp and stings
self-flagellation
where did i go wrong
where
where
where
he feels like a memory that only i can remember
i think he is fading out of existence
one day i will stand alone
still waiting
still waiting
still waiting
for him to follow my burning heart
and come home.
This was breathtaking, B. Thanks for visiting here again to share your words with us. Your George is missed.
ReplyDeletexo
Waiting with you. I'm still waiting for my girl. Because surely all our burning must bring them home?
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words for your beautiful son, George x
"A pathetic and obvious exercise in futility" Yes...ME TOO! But yet we continue to want what we want regardless of the impossibilities associated with our desire.
ReplyDelete"he feels like a memory that only i can remember" it seems as though this becomes more and more the feeling as time passes. I hate that our anguish and our greatest tragedy fades for everyone, that our pain that has changed us irrevocably becomes less noticable to everyone. And yet our pain continues until the day we die. Whether or not our pain fades as well with time or burn brightly forvever....we still wish there were others who could walk the path with us even as the highway becomes a road, path, trail, open meadow. We still would love people to stand with us in the meadow.
Hugs
Missing George with you, and remembering.
ReplyDeleteImpossibly well spoken my friend.
ReplyDeleteSo true. Beautiful.
ReplyDelete-Kari
Ah, amen, Bri, to all of it. Thinking of George and sharply aching for my boy a lot lately, too. xx
ReplyDeleteyes, and so true, all of these feelings. thinking of you, remembering George. with love. xo
ReplyDeleteGeorge and you have been on my mind very frequently...
ReplyDeleteHe is, and will always be, missed terribly in your beautiful family. Every picture, every day, he is missed.
xo CiM