Clio is still not sleeping. Last night was the fourth night in a row where Leif and I have barely been able to cobble together 4 hours of sleep each. It has been rough on us both. I think once I'm able to get some good sleep and once I feel safer knowing Clio is more comfortable this won't look as bleak as they have this week.
All your support has made things feel a little less desperate and like there may be something better for me out there. I'm not sure what is next other than Leif and I have a lot to discuss and I've got quite a bit of soul-searching to do.
Yesterday I finished a busy day of work with my head held a bit higher and I was greeted with this scene. I'm no believer in signs but it made me smile. Even when life is grey, there is beauty to be found too.
Thank you.
I am no believer in signs, but I'll take that one. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI don't call it a pity party. It just seems like life, trying to live it, trying to decide what to do with it, trying to make the best and go forward. It is pretty complicated.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't come off feeling sorry for yourself - I didn't think so at all.
And when you're not sleeping, everything gets...
Well, we know why sleep deprivation is used for torture.
Glad to talk with you and all the "gang" - whenever you want.
xoxo,
Cathy in Missouri
I missed the pity party post but am sending my support for all trials and decisions. Make them from the heart after a lit of tears and things usually end up well. Love to you. Take the rainbow and run with it!
ReplyDeleteHugs.. and sighs for moments of beauty...
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't a pity party. As Cathy says, just trying to decide how best to live. I think that is far too important to be termed a pity party. And you didn't sound self pitying in the slightest. Stoical if anything!
ReplyDeleteIf it's any consolation, Reuben doesn't sleep either. It's been a while since I had six consecutive hours sleep and nights when you are trying to cobble together more than four are truly awful.
Beautiful rainbow and I hope that talking it all through with Leif helps and that you can find something that is right for you and your family xo
I popped over here after reading your beautiful guest post on Glow (I've fallen behind on my reading of posts there and am trying to catch up), and after reading some of your musings and viewing your photos (gorgeous), I am definitely a fan and will be following your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs you wrote, nothing ever gets truly erased from the internet, and so your post is still appearing in Google reader. I found this out myself after deleting a post--I thought it would be gone, but no, it was still there. There is no way to erase a post from the feed. I was irritated about it and complained to my husband, who then likened it to publishing a book. Impossible to know the identities of everyone who bought it, and therefore, impossible to have all of the copies returned. I have mixed feelings about that: On the one hand, I want to be completely honest and feel free to share my feelings with the only people who truly understand what I'm going through. On the other hand, what I publish is there forevermore and could get me in trouble at some point in the future. Oh, well. I think I'll just go with the first instinct, which is more in keeping with my personality, and pay the consequences if there are any. I have a hard time being any other way.
All of this to say, I read your post and it seems you and I are in the same profession. Maybe not exactly the same, though, because you have a lot more education than I do. But I wanted to let you know that I relate to what you wrote so, so much. I'm also going to echo what others have written: I didn't get the sense of a pity party at all, just frustration and sadness. And anyway, we're all entitled to a pity party sometimes. :)
I wish you much success in your soul-searching, and I will be right here, soul-searching with you. Sending love to you, George, Clio, and Leif. xo