I found this.
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I did something foolish.
I bought it.
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And for no other reason than I didn't want another George baby to ever wear it.
It never goes away. Not ever.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
foolish
When I was pregnant with George I used to go to one particular vintage clothing shop and comb through the racks of baby clothes looking for things to dress him up in. Over two years later I was there again today. This time shopping with a friend visiting the mainland from Hawaii with her three kids. This time combing through the racks for Clio.
I found this.
.JPG)
I did something foolish.
I bought it.
.JPG)
And for no other reason than I didn't want another George baby to ever wear it.
It never goes away. Not ever.
I found this.
I did something foolish.
I bought it.
And for no other reason than I didn't want another George baby to ever wear it.
It never goes away. Not ever.
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I am the accountant/office manager at my work. Plus whatever other job duties need to be handled. One of those duties that often falls my way is getting everything ready for birthday parties that my company rents out rooms for. I have to print out signs. In my few months there I have had to print out several signs with the name Braedon on them. I want to take them everytime. I don't want to imagine any other child by his name getting to celebrate a birthday. Not that I want to take their day away, I just attach that name to only my son. I feel almost protective over it. Claw your eyes out and pull hair screaming Momma banshee protective. Wow, I sound a little crazy.
ReplyDeleteYep, so far all I know is it never goes away. In moments you get distracted and then it all comes back again.
I so wish your little George could have worn an outfit just like that on his bday.
Love to you.
I don't think it's foolish at all.. I think it's perfect, and I'm glad you now have it in memory of sweet George.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs..
That's a darling outfit. I don't blame you at all for picking it up, I'm resentful of all the people with living "Jacks" out there. It's hard not to be a little jealous when you see the perfect name for a perfect boy who just can't be here.
ReplyDeleteOh no. I don't think you were foolish. I know I would have done the same thing in your position for the same reason.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful outfit, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to wear it either.
I wish I could say it goes away but I suspect you are right, it doesn't. Sometimes I'm slightly surprised at how very sad I am still. Sometimes I'm not surprised at all, how could I not be when the loss of her and the love of her are such very permanent fixtures.
I was listening (slightly illegally) to my ipod at work yesterday and 'Oh Comely' came on the shuffle and I had to do a bit of window gazing as the tears came to my eyes. That song always brings you and George to my mind now and I'll always, always wish we could have saved them. Time machine or any other method. xo
It never does. Never ever.
ReplyDeleteBig love to you.
xo
I bought Liam a vintage Stars Wars lunch box on Saturday. Justin didn't look at me like I was crazy when I told him who it was for. That made me feel better.
ReplyDeleteI adore this outfit. Thinking of George today. xx
I would have bought it too.
ReplyDeletexxx
That is absolutely adorable! I think I would have bought it too. I look for things that say Camille on them. I never bought her any clothes. I remember seeing this little dress after she died and I was so tempted to buy it. I am bummed I didn't. I thought it would ve weird for me to purchase it. It retrospect there is so little we can do for our babies. I am glad you got that for George. I just wish he could wear it.
ReplyDeleteThat makes my heart itch. I'm glad you bought it. I would have done the same.
ReplyDeleteBrooke is right. My heart is itching, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you bought this. Really.
Sad, though,
Cathy in Missouri
Phew. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you bought it too. Wishing he was with you (us) everyday.
ReplyDeleteI love it and I'm glad you bought it. I just wish he was here to wear it. Lots of love, Brianna.
ReplyDeletexo
Of all the many foolish things in this world, expressing your love for your child (in all different ways) is not among them.
ReplyDeleteSo sweet.
Paula- Oh, I don't know how you can perform that duty. How terrible to make signs for another Braedon's birthday. I'm sorry. That just breaks my heart. And you don't sound crazy to me. Of course, I amy be crazy too. That has yet to be determined.
ReplyDeleteJauraJane- I feel the same way when ever I see another kid with George's name.
Catherine- Thank you for thinking of George. That whole album reminds me of all our lost babies. I don't know why really.
Leslie- I'll take those hugs, TYVM. And sending some right back to you.
Sally- Do we wish it would go away? I bet we wouldn't want it to even if we were offered that chance. Sigh. Love to you as well.
Tash- That sounds like something I would have bought for George too. Wish we could have our boys around to enjoy them:(
Barbara- My friend, also missing your George:(
Renel- I think the urge to mother our children never really goes away. I wish you had bought that dress too. I wish she could have worn it.
Brooke- Oh the itchy hearts of us all. I love that description
CIM, Kari, Mary Beth, Mama Bear- Thank you thank you for not thinking I'm bonkers.
Sheesh. It's perfect. I think of him every day, wishing he was here. It's so sad we didn't get to meet him.
ReplyDeleteOh Brianna, not foolish at all. It's lovely and perfect and I for one will join you in feeling relieved that no other George baby will ever wear it. Just wish your George had the chance. Think of you guys so often, sorry it's been hard to grab a few minutes to visit. xx
ReplyDeleteI have come back to this several times, just to look at that little George jumper.
ReplyDeleteGeorge's mother is no fool. She has such a heart...it shows on the outside, too.
Missing his life here, on a grey day.
Cathy in Missouri
Glad to see you over at Mommicked, Brianna.
ReplyDeleteAnd I loved this from you:
"But mainly I just feel defeated and exhausted and overall wildly underprepared, still, for wading through all of this."
Ditto.
Cathy in Missouri
Good for you. You should have it for your George.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I meet someone with R's name I find myself staring at them and wondering how they're getting away with it...you know, the surviving. I think another baby with her name would send me right around the bend.
oh. I love it. And I'm glad you bought it. That need to keep doing things for your child, that doesn't die even if your child does. It's who you are now. His mama.
ReplyDelete