a completely random post about being a mother, leif going back to work, and why it is the wee hours of the morning and i am awake writing this post

It is amazing how much you appreciate help with an infant after you've been on your own with one for awhile.  Leif went back to work last week and so I've been on my own with Clio until a couple of days ago when her MeeMaw (my mom) came down to help out.  I have to say, my hat is off to single parents.  Seriously, this shit is hard work.  Worth it, of course, but a whole hell of a lot of work.  Between breast-feeding, diaper changes (Um, hello, Clio why do you find it necessary to poop right after I change your diaper every single time?), fussy-fixing, breast-pumping, laundry, showering, brushing teeth, and attempting to eat meals there is hardly time for anything else.  Even when she asleep I hardly ever have the opportunity to take a nap with her.  The last two times I made the attempt I was just starting to nod off either my phone rang (Oh no!  Water is leaking in the downstairs apartment!  Can you please turn off your kitchen water!) or she decided that a 45 minute nap was sufficient and as soon as those big blue eyes flicker open, Oh Lordy, it is of utmost important to get milk in her belly right away or else suffer her wrath.

Plus it had been in the upper 90s or low 100s all last week.  Have I ever mentioned how we don't have AC?  The heat was simply overwhelming so we ended up buying a portable unit to put in our bedroom so we didn't have a hot little infant on our hands everyday.  All week (until Friday when it finally started to cool off) Clio and I spent our days and nights in a tiny little bedroom like hermits.  Not a big deal for the girl but crazy-making for me.

I'm not complaining.  No way.  Just giving background as to why when MeeMaw came to visit last week I was super grateful.  But what did Clio end up doing the entire time MeeMaw was here?  She slept like a rock until right after MeeMaw left to go home.  Seriously, she is such a great sleeper when we have company, the only times when I can't or don't want to take a nap.  She's clever that way.

Just over the last few days she has taken to sucking on my finger to soothe herself to sleep.  When she is awake it is very, very difficult to get her to sleep so my finger is a small price to pay for some relief.  Her reluctance to fall asleep is great during the day.  An awake baby is super fun (mostly) during the daylight hours but at two in the morning, which is what time it is right now, it is much less fun.  I've noticed that I tend to bargain with her at these times, as if it is possible to bargain with a four week old infant.  Go to sleep and mommy and daddy will buy you a pony or whatever animal now equates itself with privilege and spoiling.

We finally also made the decision to move her into her own bedroom and out of ours.  Up until two nights ago she was sleeping in a co-sleeper in our bedroom but apparently she is a very vocal infant and her grunts and squeals and mewls, even when she is asleep, tend to keep me up at all times.  I got tired of sleeping on the couch and waiting for Leif to bring her to me when she got fussy enough to wake him up.  We had wanted to keep her in our room until she was at least two months old but it just became too much for me and I really missed sleeping next to my husband.  The first night she was in her crib was the first night that I actually slept soundly during those three hour chunks of time between her feedings since she came home with us.  So in her crib (or her Baby Jail as one of Leif's crunchy co-workers calls the evil cribs) she stays.

This weekend has been really great.  I think having Leif gone during the weekdays made these days all the more special.  Even before Clio I always looked forward to the weekend for the sole fact that Leif and I would get to spend quite a bit of time together, just hanging out.  Now I know that the weekends are going to become even more precious to me since we hardly get to spend any time with each other anymore.  I mean, we do spend time with each other, but not in the same way that we did before Clio.  We were each others' whole world and now our world is occupied by an amazing little creature who demands all of our attention.  I simply miss my husband but that is another post for another time.  Maybe one when there isn't still sleep clouding over my eyes and their isn't a grunty little baby at my side who needs some rocking to tip her over from half-asleep to full-asleep.

But anyway what made this weekend especially good...We hung out with dear friends and for the first time in almost a year I was able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.  We had a visitor from my work, someone who insists that Clio know her as Gammy Sunny.  I'll have to write something about her sometime, she is a most interesting woman.  We visited with my sister and her two girls.  Love them.  The little one, Leela, turned two (I can hardly believe it) and she calls Clio, Kilo because she can't quite figure out the CL blend.  While we were over there I was feeding Clio and Leela was fascinated with us.  She just kept asking over and over again, "It eating?"  Toddlers tend to find babies and breast-feeding fascinating.  We went to the Farmer's Market, always a treat.  We went for a walk and a picnic in the sun.  We made bolognese from scratch.  Leif and I managed to watch a whole movie, snuggled on the couch, while Clio slept soundly in her bouncy chair.  It was wonderful.

But now the weekend is over and Leif is asleep in our bedroom and I am up with the baby.

Right now it would be super awesome if she would go from this:

To this:

C'mon Clio, you can do it!  Do it for Momma!