Today I brought Clio by my office to show her off. I know that isn't the humble thing to say but it is the truth. I totally took her to my office to show her around to everyone. I wanted to post a sign around her neck that read, "Product of Leif + Bree. Brought to you by 2 1/2 hours of pushing." I am a proud mamma, what else is there to say about that.
I dread the day I have to leave her at daycare and go back to work. I absolutely hate just the idea of going back to work. It makes me sick to my stomach and I want to cry. I try to tell myself that it is only going to be three days a week but it doesn't seem to help ease my anxiety very much. If I did not have a ridiculously large student loan to pay off I would stay home with her. But I do and so I can't. Had I known what my future would look like at this point I never would have gone back to school to get the degree I have. Hindsight...
But at least I like the people I work with, right? That is something.
I've got until mid-October (probably) before I have to make that sad, lonely long commute to work without my girl. The start of flu season. That sucks when you work in medicine. I'm going to be afraid to kiss my own child until next March.
Hmmph.
Anyway, I've still got the rest of the Summer (and in Los Angeles September is most definitely still Summer) to give her as many kisses as I can without the fear of passing on germs from my patients. Ugh. How do people do this without going crazy?
Oh - October. That is really soon. Is there any flexibility in the way you and Leif can juggle things to give you some more time? Or child care near your work so you can go for a feed during a break? No idea how people do this without going crazy - sounds unbelievably hard to me.
ReplyDeleteand ps I think you deserve to be proud!
October is so soon. I'm so sorry finances mean you have to go back in such a hurry. I really wish it was easier for mums to stay home, if that's what they want. I feel so lucky to be a stay at home mum and I never lose sight of that (things in our country are a bit different though).
ReplyDeleteAnd you totally should be showing her off :)
xo
Well, I know exactly what you are going through. I put my 1st born son in daycare for a few months, but when my second was born, I just couldn't go back to wrok. I couldn't leave my 1st or 2nd born. SO- I opened a home daycare. It is a lot of work, but I am my own boss and get to spend the days with my kids. Good luck-
ReplyDeleteIt's hard. It's just really hard. And it gets easier, sort of, but never easy. I spent most of my first year back at work wishing I was Canadian because they have much better parental leave. Thinking about you as you get ready for this.
ReplyDeleteHello Mama Bree, I am in a similar but totally different situation. I am at home with my little guy who is 2 1/2, but because we don't have a lot of other kids around us he is needing contact with more children. In truth its him and me alone most of the week and I am needing some time back too. The thing is, I feel like such a bitch for trying to put him in nursery 2 mornings a week because I don't even work. I always said, if I had to work then that would be that, I/he wouldn't have a choice and it wouldn't seem so bad. Seeing you so anxious about it already makes me think I would be exactly the same, work or no work. I expect your little teeny Clio and my little Oscar will both be absolutely fine........us on the other hand...........meh......maybe not lol.
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xxx
Hanen- Sadly I work pretty far from home and because of the nature of my job (patient appointments) she needs to be near Leif so if she gets sick he can take off work to get her. So I will be away from her for 10 hours a day:(
ReplyDeleteSally- I totally agree, it should be easier for moms to stay home if they choose to. At least for an extended period of time. That is just not the way it is here. What is the parental leave like in Australia?
Lana- You had the right idea. You get to stay home with your kids but also bring in an income. Smart.
Erica- Thank you for telling me it gets easier. I need to hear that.
Valerie- You should not feel badly for needing some time to yourself. I think if I were to stay home full time I would need the same thing. I envy your ability to be home but I also understand the frustrations that can arise from being home with a child alone all day almost everyday. Plus the socialization is probably really good for him too.
I got 14 weeks paid leave from my job then 12 months unpaid leave after that. I took all of that after I had Hope as I figured I needed the time to "recover". I figured my work during that time was my grief, so I gave myself over to the grief, fully. I got pregnant with Angus again so quickly and he was born as my leave finished, so I just ended up resigning all together because they could not offer me another period of unpaid leave, which was fair enough. And now of course, Juliet is here as well. There is now a new government scheme in place where working monthers get about 14 weeks paid leave from the government. If you are not a working mother at the time of your child's birth, you get what we call the "Baby Bonus" which is a payment of about $5000 to help with the costs of having a baby, so I will get that this time around. It is paid in instalments. Every little bit helps. I have no idea when I'll return to the work force now. I have no idea if I want to return to the same field of work or do something different. I just don't know. I know if Hope had lived, I'd be back working for sure. My life got thrown totally off course and this is just one of the major ways it changed. Never thought I'd be a full time stay at home mum yet here I am and I wouldn't change it for the world (apart from having Hope back, of course).
ReplyDeleteI really hope the transition back to work is a smooth one for you all. Will you be able to pump at work?
xo
I'm so sorry that our system has pushed so many women who would rather be home back to work. As a SAHM I know how much I appreciate being home with my children. I'll be thinking of you- if there is anything I can do to help just met me know. I think lots of pictures and albums will be great to take with you.. will the center you chose have a webcam? that might be an idea...
ReplyDeleteLeslie- Oh, a webcam would be awesome but there isnt one. I think maybe Skype would be doable though. I agree, lots of photos and albums.
ReplyDeleteSally- So many major things changed for us after G died too. If he was still alive we would be living in a different state and in order to live there I would be working full time. But that was the purpose of me returning to school, so we could move away from Los Angeles. That did not happen. It isn't just the loss of G that was hard to deal with, it was the loss of all the other tangential dreams as well.
I don't know mama. I couldn't do it and quit my job after L was born. Other mama's say it gets easier and I hope that's the case for you. I agree with Leslie, check into a webcam at the center - lots of places here have websites setup that parents can check in on throughout the day.
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