Happy Birthday, my love.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
.thirty five.
For those of you who may not know, 35 years ago today was the most important date in all of history. It was the day that my husband, Leif, was born. He just happens to be the best person on the planet. If you haven't yet met him then you will just have to take my word for it. But if you have already met him then you know I am not exaggerating when I say that he is the kindest, smartest, handsomest, funniest, gentlest, talentedest, plaid-wearingest, linux-lovingest, and generousest man who walks the earth.
Happy Birthday, my love.
Happy Birthday, my love.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
.ohana means family.
This post is a little late. But it is perfect because anyone who knows Jackie knows "a little late" is right up her alley.
Jackie, my beautiful and kind and funny and wonderful sister-like friend, came to visit me a couple of weekends ago. She and her husband, along with their adorable one-year old twins, live in Oahu. I've known Jackie since I was fourteen. We met the summer before our freshman year of high school during volleyball camp. She lived just up the street from me so after we met we, of course, we ended up spending a lot of time together over the next four years. After high school she moved around quite a bit but we always stayed close. I've been very fortunate in that I have kept a close relationship with quite a few of my childhood friends.
One of my favorite memories from high school was Jackie recounting a reoccurring dream she had about a rubber chicken in a lab coat attacking her with a scalpel. I am not even entirely sure if that memory is real or not, but I like to think that it is because the thought of a rubber chicken wearing a lab coat makes me laugh. Even if the scalpel part is creepy.
(Jackie if it isn't real don't ruin it for me)
While she was here we went to Ikea so she could stock up on some things since there isn't one on Oahu (sadness, I know). I have to say that she makes shopping at Ikea so much more fun than it usually is (and that is saying something since I always enjoy trips to that ridiculous place). We also went to a fabric store downtown where we bought some nice gray chenille to cover the cushions of the new chair we bought at the flea market. That night we stayed up watching Elvis movies on Netflix as Jackie cut out a pattern to sew the cushion covers. That's right, she is also a great seamstress.
I can't put into words how much her visit meant to me. Spending time with her was like having a weight lifted off of my shoulders for two days. It is hard to explain but seeing Jackie literally felt like she was carrying some of this load for me. I know that even though she never met George she loved him and feels his loss with us.
Leif and I love Jackie and her family so much. We wish we were able to spend more time with them. For now we have to be satisfied with occasional visits and checking their blog for updates on their little munchkins.
Thank you Jackie. You are an amazing friend. I love you.
Jackie, my beautiful and kind and funny and wonderful sister-like friend, came to visit me a couple of weekends ago. She and her husband, along with their adorable one-year old twins, live in Oahu. I've known Jackie since I was fourteen. We met the summer before our freshman year of high school during volleyball camp. She lived just up the street from me so after we met we, of course, we ended up spending a lot of time together over the next four years. After high school she moved around quite a bit but we always stayed close. I've been very fortunate in that I have kept a close relationship with quite a few of my childhood friends.
One of my favorite memories from high school was Jackie recounting a reoccurring dream she had about a rubber chicken in a lab coat attacking her with a scalpel. I am not even entirely sure if that memory is real or not, but I like to think that it is because the thought of a rubber chicken wearing a lab coat makes me laugh. Even if the scalpel part is creepy.
(Jackie if it isn't real don't ruin it for me)
While she was here we went to Ikea so she could stock up on some things since there isn't one on Oahu (sadness, I know). I have to say that she makes shopping at Ikea so much more fun than it usually is (and that is saying something since I always enjoy trips to that ridiculous place). We also went to a fabric store downtown where we bought some nice gray chenille to cover the cushions of the new chair we bought at the flea market. That night we stayed up watching Elvis movies on Netflix as Jackie cut out a pattern to sew the cushion covers. That's right, she is also a great seamstress.
I can't put into words how much her visit meant to me. Spending time with her was like having a weight lifted off of my shoulders for two days. It is hard to explain but seeing Jackie literally felt like she was carrying some of this load for me. I know that even though she never met George she loved him and feels his loss with us.
Leif and I love Jackie and her family so much. We wish we were able to spend more time with them. For now we have to be satisfied with occasional visits and checking their blog for updates on their little munchkins.
Thank you Jackie. You are an amazing friend. I love you.
.when the elephant in the room is named George.
Today at clinic one of my patients asked how my baby was doing. The last time I had seen him in the office I was still pregnant and since he hadn't seen me in a few weeks he thought I had given birth. When I told him that my baby had died he got very quiet for a moment and then told me how very sorry he was. I didn't feel strange telling him about what had happened and as weird as it sounds it felt good to say something about it aloud.
Most people I come across never say anything to me about the loss of my pregnancy. People in school and the people I work with in clinic...most of them talk around the obvious or just pretend like everything is the same as it was before. They ask how I am feeling or tell me that I am looking well but rarely does anyone actually say to me "I am sorry for your loss." I understand that most people just feel uncomfortable with the situation or aren't sure if I feel comfortable talking about losing George. For that I can't be angry with them.
But to be honest some times I just want these people to acknowledge the profundity of what happened to me and Leif by just saying that they are sorry for our loss. We lost a child. He was born and he lived and then he died. He was our son. Even if he only lived for twenty minutes outside of my body we loved him as much as we would have had we been able to take him home and watch him grow up.
It is hard to get through the day going along with people when they want to pretend like something terrible didn't happen to us.
Most people I come across never say anything to me about the loss of my pregnancy. People in school and the people I work with in clinic...most of them talk around the obvious or just pretend like everything is the same as it was before. They ask how I am feeling or tell me that I am looking well but rarely does anyone actually say to me "I am sorry for your loss." I understand that most people just feel uncomfortable with the situation or aren't sure if I feel comfortable talking about losing George. For that I can't be angry with them.
But to be honest some times I just want these people to acknowledge the profundity of what happened to me and Leif by just saying that they are sorry for our loss. We lost a child. He was born and he lived and then he died. He was our son. Even if he only lived for twenty minutes outside of my body we loved him as much as we would have had we been able to take him home and watch him grow up.
It is hard to get through the day going along with people when they want to pretend like something terrible didn't happen to us.
Monday, April 26, 2010
.nobody walks in la.
Some times I get so tired of the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles that I can't find a single good thing about living in this city. Other times I have such a great time living here that I am reminded why so many people live here despite the traffic and over crowding. This past weekend was one of those times when I feel excited to be in Los Angeles.
Saturday, thanks to Melissa and one of her very nice patients, were able to go to the LA Zoo and meet some of the animals up close and personal. First off let me just say that I have mixed feelings about zoos. On the one hand I feel a deep sense of sadness associated with seeing animals on display. On the other hand, and especially after speaking with the zookeepers on Saturday, I see the value that zoos have in teaching the general public about preservation issues associated with the animals in the zoo.
During our visit to the zoo we got to meet the gorillas, the orangutans, and the giraffes.
LA Zoo from leif hanson on Vimeo.
To top off the day at the zoo we got free shaved ice. Yum.
On Sunday we started off the morning with our normal trip to the Hollywood Farmer's Market. This week we saw Andy Richter (Team CoCo!!!!). We like to say we go to the market for the fresh produce but to be honest it is for the pupusas, strawberry lemonade, and coconut cakes.
Hollywood farmer's market from leif hanson on Vimeo.
After the farmer's market we headed out to the Antelope Valley Poppy Preserve for some awesome orange flower action.
And orange they were.
After a long morning of hiking around it was off to Ikea to return a rug and to eat hotdogs and frozen yogurt.
In the evening, after a dinner consisting of a giant artichoke and pasta, we walked over to Pinkberry for the day's second serving of frozen yogurt.
Yep, sometimes it is good to live in Los Angeles.
Saturday, thanks to Melissa and one of her very nice patients, were able to go to the LA Zoo and meet some of the animals up close and personal. First off let me just say that I have mixed feelings about zoos. On the one hand I feel a deep sense of sadness associated with seeing animals on display. On the other hand, and especially after speaking with the zookeepers on Saturday, I see the value that zoos have in teaching the general public about preservation issues associated with the animals in the zoo.
During our visit to the zoo we got to meet the gorillas, the orangutans, and the giraffes.
LA Zoo from leif hanson on Vimeo.
On Sunday we started off the morning with our normal trip to the Hollywood Farmer's Market. This week we saw Andy Richter (Team CoCo!!!!). We like to say we go to the market for the fresh produce but to be honest it is for the pupusas, strawberry lemonade, and coconut cakes.
Hollywood farmer's market from leif hanson on Vimeo.
After the farmer's market we headed out to the Antelope Valley Poppy Preserve for some awesome orange flower action.
And orange they were.
In the evening, after a dinner consisting of a giant artichoke and pasta, we walked over to Pinkberry for the day's second serving of frozen yogurt.
Yep, sometimes it is good to live in Los Angeles.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
.back on the chain gang.
This has been a hard week.
It has only been three weeks since my c-section but I had to go back to school and back to clinic. In some ways it has been really good for me to get back into a normal routine but in other ways it has been completely overwhelming. I find myself utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, when I get home. So much so that I don't feel much like cooking or eating and all I want to do is sit on the couch and zone out for the couple of hours before we go to bed.
On the bright side treating patients takes my mind off of my own issues by focusing on other people's issues. I always enjoy talking with patients and making them feel comforted and taken care of.
Yet I still don't know if I am going to get to graduate this year or if I am going to have to wait until next year, all because of the time I had to take off while I was in the hospital and after the c-section. It is so hard living in limbo. All I want to do is focus on grieving and healing after losing George and a big part of my emotional reserve is wrapped up in this whole graduation fiasco.
I just want to run away and go on vacation. Somewhere warm and on the beach where there are no phones and no email and where Leif and I can be completely alone with each other.
It has only been three weeks since my c-section but I had to go back to school and back to clinic. In some ways it has been really good for me to get back into a normal routine but in other ways it has been completely overwhelming. I find myself utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, when I get home. So much so that I don't feel much like cooking or eating and all I want to do is sit on the couch and zone out for the couple of hours before we go to bed.
On the bright side treating patients takes my mind off of my own issues by focusing on other people's issues. I always enjoy talking with patients and making them feel comforted and taken care of.
Yet I still don't know if I am going to get to graduate this year or if I am going to have to wait until next year, all because of the time I had to take off while I was in the hospital and after the c-section. It is so hard living in limbo. All I want to do is focus on grieving and healing after losing George and a big part of my emotional reserve is wrapped up in this whole graduation fiasco.
I just want to run away and go on vacation. Somewhere warm and on the beach where there are no phones and no email and where Leif and I can be completely alone with each other.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
.until later.
This is Melissa.
Anyone who has ever met her will gladly agree with me when I say that she is one of the coolest people in all of Los Angeles. Soon she will be one of the coolest people in a myriad of other countries because she is saying "arrivederci" to the US for the next few months.
She has been such a great friend not only to me but to Leif as well. While we were in the hospital the first go-round she bought a scrabble game and played with us after she got off of work. We still laugh at how Leif beat us both into the ground with the winning word "squatting." She has always made an effort to check in on us to make sure that we are doing as okay as we can be. If I need to bitch and moan about how life has been screwing me over she is content to listen and holds not a single judgment of me.
In addition to being a dear friend she has taught me so much about taking care of patients. I can only hope to one day be as competent and charismatic as she is. Her patients adore her.
Leif and I will miss her when she leaves.
Thank you, Melissa, for being such a great friend.
Anyone who has ever met her will gladly agree with me when I say that she is one of the coolest people in all of Los Angeles. Soon she will be one of the coolest people in a myriad of other countries because she is saying "arrivederci" to the US for the next few months.
She has been such a great friend not only to me but to Leif as well. While we were in the hospital the first go-round she bought a scrabble game and played with us after she got off of work. We still laugh at how Leif beat us both into the ground with the winning word "squatting." She has always made an effort to check in on us to make sure that we are doing as okay as we can be. If I need to bitch and moan about how life has been screwing me over she is content to listen and holds not a single judgment of me.
In addition to being a dear friend she has taught me so much about taking care of patients. I can only hope to one day be as competent and charismatic as she is. Her patients adore her.
Leif and I will miss her when she leaves.
Thank you, Melissa, for being such a great friend.
.to do list.
So my "to do" list has been significantly changed in the last few weeks. It now consists solely of things that will make me happy.
No schoolwork. No housework. No studying.
Now it is only a list of indulgences and activities in Los Angeles that I either haven't yet done or that I enjoyed enough the first time around that I want to experience it again.
Here it is so far:
U-zen sushiLet’s Be FrankPollo a la Brasa
No schoolwork. No housework. No studying.
Now it is only a list of indulgences and activities in Los Angeles that I either haven't yet done or that I enjoyed enough the first time around that I want to experience it again.
Here it is so far:
Activities
Griffith Observatory
Basketball game at Staples
Huntington Library
Beach
Charmlee Park
Poppies in Lancaster
Thai Elvis
Hollywood Cemetery Cinespia
LA river tour with Friends of LA River
Esotouric tour
Bob Baker Marionettes
Angel’s Flight
LA Zoo
Restaurants
Hatfield’s Tasting Menu- Best food I've ever had. Hands down.
The Corner Place- Korean cold noodle soup, so popular patrons can't take it "to go" for fear of the recipe being copied.
Bulgarini Gelato- We have a favorite gelato place (Pazzo) but this one is supposedly even better...I am dubious.
NBC Seafood- Dim Sum.
Animal- Lots of pork (this one is for the hubster).
Auntie Em’s- The best biscuits and gravy I've ever had.
El Parian- Goat stew. I can't say that it sounds super appealing but I am curious.
Golden Triangle- Chinese food. For reals Chinese food.
Guelaguetza- Mole. Ole!
Jitlada- Southern Thai food that is so hot it will cause fire to shoot out of your ears.
Kyochon- Korean fried chicken loaded with MSG (so I hear).
Park’s Barbecue- The best Korean bbq in K-town.
Pho Minh- Lines for pho so long that it is an hour wait time.
Tacos Baja Ensenada- Fish tacos.
Wurstkuche- The best french fries ever had...and the sausages aren't too shabby either.
Bibimbap at Gamja Bawi at K-Town plaza
Hainan chicken rice at Savoy Kitchen
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