Today at clinic one of my patients asked how my baby was doing. The last time I had seen him in the office I was still pregnant and since he hadn't seen me in a few weeks he thought I had given birth. When I told him that my baby had died he got very quiet for a moment and then told me how very sorry he was. I didn't feel strange telling him about what had happened and as weird as it sounds it felt good to say something about it aloud.
Most people I come across never say anything to me about the loss of my pregnancy. People in school and the people I work with in clinic...most of them talk around the obvious or just pretend like everything is the same as it was before. They ask how I am feeling or tell me that I am looking well but rarely does anyone actually say to me "I am sorry for your loss." I understand that most people just feel uncomfortable with the situation or aren't sure if I feel comfortable talking about losing George. For that I can't be angry with them.
But to be honest some times I just want these people to acknowledge the profundity of what happened to me and Leif by just saying that they are sorry for our loss. We lost a child. He was born and he lived and then he died. He was our son. Even if he only lived for twenty minutes outside of my body we loved him as much as we would have had we been able to take him home and watch him grow up.
It is hard to get through the day going along with people when they want to pretend like something terrible didn't happen to us.
George is a good name indeed.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know exactly what you mean about elephants.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
There is hope.
xxx
I'm with Barbara. George is a good name.
ReplyDeleteIt is very difficult to keep up this strange pretence that nothing terrible happened. I've experienced the same thing. I've almost found myself wishing that people would ask how my twins were. Just so that I could mention my G.
I am sorry for the loss of your son.