.blue.

There used to be a time, in my distant past, that I actually enjoyed doing things of a more creative nature.  Sketching, painting, making collages...things of this sort.  Now most my of creativity, if you can call it that, comes out in the form of refurbishing old furniture or writing on this here blog.

I think I stopped painting because I just didn't find it inspiring anymore.  Or I wasn't inspired by anything enough to lug out my paints and brushes.  After George died I thought this would change but it didn't.  All I could think of painting was big black and blue circles and so I just didn't even bother.  I'm no Kandinsky, after all.  My drawer full of paints and my crate full of paper/canvas has just been sitting unused and collecting dust, quite literally.

But this last week I have been feeling particularly blue and it has got me searching for things to occupy my time.  I still have no job and nothing is looking very promising at the moment.  I could take a job that I do not like but I am not quite at the point yet where that option is looking to be a good one.  I'm close to that point though.  Very close.

What I have been finding is that being unemployed, childless, and bored is a recipe for also being very sad and for feeling pretty crappy about myself.  Oh self-esteem, where art thou?

Today I dragged out my paints and my brushes and spent most of the daylight hours painting.  I chose one of George's ultrasound pictures.  Actually it was the one we got at his 20 week scan and the one we found out that "the baby" was actually George.  That, along with the day I married Leif, was the happiest moment of my life.

As ultrasounds tend to be, this one was a tad bit confusing and I had to take some artistic liberties with one of the limbs (seriously I can't tell if it is a foot or an arm so I just made it into an arm).  I will probably end up fixing some stuff about it later but for now it is what it is.

I can't say that I am completely happy with the way it turned out but it does look like my boy, especially his face.  I can see his dad in that face.

I'm kind of nervous about putting this up here but...here goes anyway...

George Ellsworth.  Acrylic.