This is the first year since we've been together that we have not had Thanksgiving with my family. Actually, it is the first Thanksgiving of my life that I haven't been with my family. Our decision to be alone this year had nothing to do with not wanting to be with our loved ones but everything to do with the fact that we do not feel particularly celebratory this holiday season. I think this is a sentiment that many of the people who read this blog can relate to.
I want to emphasize that neither of us are walking around in a haze of self pity today. Although I think it would be perfectly acceptable for us to do so if that was how we were feeling.
I'm trying to think of all the things I have to be thankful for. They are numerous and wonderful and I truly know how fortunate I am. I just wish I had a five month old George here with us instead of an eight month old urn.
.L.
Maybe this will sound hollow. But it isn't meant to.
Happy Thanksgiving. I hope it is gentle on all of you.
*I actually chuckled out loud as I wrote that statement. There are so many days I walk around in self pity that to write it out that I am not feeling that way today looks kind of absurd. So I went ahead and amended it to more accurately reflect reality.
Brianna,
ReplyDeleteNone of it sounds hollow, not a word you have written. I'm walking in the haze of self-pity today, and my haze is thick enough to cover the state, so I've got you covered. The day you and Leif have planned sounds perfect. Oh, how I wish George was there with you both today. How I wish all our babies were coming to Thanksgiving with us today. sending much love, and gratitude for friends like you today. xo
Oh yes, we know that haze. El Prima is good at snapping me out of it, but it isn't always snappable. Little George - I bet he wishes he was here too. Hope the aloneness is good. xxh
ReplyDeleteThank you guys. I know you all are too familiar with that haze too. I wish it wasn't so. I wish we were walking around in a haze of joy instead.
ReplyDeleteBriana,
ReplyDeleteI am glad you weren't in that familiar haze yesterday - and I hope it was a peaceful Thanksgiving for you both. I think the first holidays after losing our babies are going to be extra tough, but with a little help from friends, I hope we'll muddle through and go on to live another day.
I wasn't feeling particularly thankful yesterday (although not as bad as Monday)- and we spent Thanksgiving with friends who had also had a difficult year, although for very different reasons. So thankfully, there were no forced "what we're thankful for" discussions - just gratitude for being together with people who respect and care for each other through the tough times and the good times. Yes, I am thankful for that still today.
This does not sound hollow at all. We are just us this year. And probably will be at Christmas as well. I don't know if it makes me angry that no one will travel to us for once or if it leaves me relieved. Either way it just is. I feel exactly the same way about this holiday season.. thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSue: I am very glad that you were able to have a peaceful day with your friends and that there were no forced "what we're thankful for" discussions. I think having friends that understand like that are worth their weight in gold.
ReplyDeleteLeslie: "We are just us." Yep, that. We are only doing what we can this year. Oh, yeah, and that mad/relieved at other peoples' actions- I get that too. So, so well.
I hope it was a lovely holiday, Brianna.
ReplyDelete