we're actually getting stuff done

The Labor and Delivery Edition.

Today marks thirty-three weeks!

The last two or three weeks Leif and I have started to let ourselves believe that perhaps this baby is coming home with us.  For us, that has meant that we have finally started to actually prepare for that possibility, something we just had not been ready to do until recently.  So here is what we've done so far in regards to Labor and Delivery.
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We are delivering at the same hospital where George was born.  This was kind of a tough decision for us, for obvious reasons.  It is difficult for me to even think about going back there because the minute I do I am sucked back to that pre-op room, watching the last hour of George's life tick away on the clock, feeling utterly helpless and hopeless.  It scares me.  I don't want to end up in that same OR again.  But at the same time I know that it is one of the best hospitals in Los Angeles, which makes it one of the best hospitals in the country.  It makes me feel a little safer.  Ultimately what made us decide to deliver there again was the fact that our OB and our Perinatologist have privileges at the hospital and we wanted to stick with them throughout this pregnancy.  They're good people and excellent doctors and we didn't want to lose them.  Oh yeah, plus, in the hospital they bring all the moms in the MFC and post-partum units warm, fresh chocolate chip cookies and cold milk every single afternoon.

My doctor is letting me attempt a VBAC.  I know many hospitals and OBs aren't cool with this for liability reasons but my OB and the hospital are so that means I get a trial of labor (and from what I understand the words "trial" and "labor" are key descriptors for this process).  My OB seems to think that I am a good candidate since my c-section was not due to a failure to progress through labor.  So, yay for that.  This also means that I've had to come to the realization that I at least need a little preparation for what that is going to be like.  During school I saw maybe half a dozen deliveries while in my OB/Gyn rotation but as I was always with the doctor it meant I never saw someone actually laboring for any significant amount of time.

So we bought an instructional birthing video called something about Laughing Through Labor or Laughing and Laboring.  I can't remember the exact title and I am too lazy to get up and look at it sitting less than three feet away, but it implies something to the effect that labor and birth aren't really as traumatic as the world thinks.  I beg to differ, but whatevs, I guess for most people it isn't.  Mostly it has been pretty informative but we haven't got to the actual segment yet where they discuss the process of laboring, positions, pushing and all that good stuff.  Also the labor coach seems somewhat biased toward "natural" birthing, which kind of bugs me, but we've all got our opinions so I just tend to ignore the really preachy parts.  But I think it has been helpful at least to get us used to the idea of labor.

This weekend we start a two part birthing class at the hospital.  For a few weeks before we actually registered Leif kept asking me if I wanted to take a class and I kept saying "no," "nope," "not really," "I don't think so," and so and and so forth.  My biggest hesitation was that I was terrified of being in a group of first time parents and amidst all of their -what I imagine to be- blissful ignorance.  It makes me super uncomfortable.  Plus, I don't particularly like the idea that the instructor will want everyone to go around and introduce themselves and what not.  What am I supposed to say?

"Hello.  I'm Brianna and this is my husband, Leif.  No, this isn't our first.  We had a baby last year but he died right after he was born.  Nice to meet you all." 


Or do I lie?

"Hello.  I'm Brianna and this is my husband, Leif.  This is our first child and we could not be more excited!"

I don't really like either option.  I don't want to make things uncomfortable (for them and for me) by bringing up a dead baby in a birthing class but I also don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not.  Sometimes babies die and people really don't want to hear that, especially first time parents.


But then I spoke with my therapist about the situation and when I told her the class we were thinking about going to was at the hospital she thought that it might be a good idea for us to go.  Her reasoning was that it would be better to go and spend some time in the hospital prior to heading there for delivery so that any emotional trauma that might -will- be brought up by the experience would happen before hand and not during labor.  Can't argue with that logic.  I'd much rather have a meltdown prior to going into labor so that I wasn't in the thick of it while trying to give birth to my daughter.

As far as an actual "birth plan" goes, well, mine goes something like this:

I want to have a VBAC but if for some reason it becomes necessary to have a c-section then, by all means, do whatever you need to do to get my baby out alive, pink and screaming.  I'm not picky.  I just want a healthy baby.  No, really, I know everyone says that but I mean it.  A healthy baby by whatever method my doctor deems necessary.  Also I would like an epidural.  Thank you very much.
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So there it is; where we are so far in planning for her birth.  I welcome any suggestions or comments from folks who have done this before.  I would especially appreciate any insight from those who have done this before in the wake of a previous loss because I foresee things being really difficult in ways that they would not be for people who haven't had a loss before.

Next up...We're actually getting stuff done: The Nursery Edition.