the one year lease

When I started this blog it was mainly to keep my in-laws updated on my pregnancy.  Our baby was to be their first grandchild and they lived on the other side of the world so I thought it would be a nice way to include them in the experience.  Obviously things did not go so well and that plan went to hell.  I stopped writing when we got George's diagnosis and didn't start again until he died.  Actually, I still have a half-written post about what my twenty-third week of pregnancy was like and how later that day we were going to see the Perinatologist because during our anatomy scan the radiologist couldn't get a good look at his kidneys.  In that draft I actually wrote, "I'm not worried though because they said it was just a precaution."  Yeah, well, later that day we went and got terrible news completely unrelated to what were initially there to get evaluated.  Occasionally I still open up that draft and re-read what I wrote.  It has become for me a moment encased in amber.

This blog eventually evolved into a place for me to come to write about my feelings about George's death, something intensely personal.  To be honest it has always felt a little like writing in my journal for the whole world to see.  I even wrote a post once specifically about how naked this place makes me feel.  It is probably one of the most honest things I've ever written.  I don't always like how writing here makes me feel completely vulnerable but I know it has been a life line for me in the last year and a half.

Anyway, I decided awhile ago that I wanted to write about things other than George and George-related things, so I started a new blog.  I don't plan to stop writing here and I am sure I could have rolled everything into one place but it just didn't feel right to me.  So should you be interested in seeing what else I am writing about please stop by and say hello, I love visitors.

The One Year Lease