The last few weeks have been full of important dates; Leif's 35th birthday, our anniversary and my graduation. But what we've noticed is that it has been difficult to really celebrate these occasions because every happy event is tinged with a sense of loss that is very deep. That loss only seems to grow and expand as June 16th gets nearer.
But still...we try. We try to celebrate these events because otherwise life just sucks too damn much. Eventually we will get to a place where our life is amazingly happy again punctuated by moments of sadness rather than the reverse, which is what it feels like to me right now.
Truth be told, that is how I want things for now. I want to honor George's brief life and the only way I know how to do that is to feel incredibly sad. I am ok with keeping him close in that way. Maybe one day I will find another way to keep him near to me without feeling the way I do. But for now I am good with this way.
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