.a hard day.

Sometimes I can feel it starting to creep in and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.  It sweeps down, knocks the air out of my lungs and I am right back where I was on March 31st. 

Today I wasn't expecting to feel so horrible. 

This weekend my mom gave me the sweater that she was making for him around the time that he was born and died.  It is tiny and adorable and he'll never get to wear it.

Yesterday I saw Gretchen, who I have known since I was eleven but haven't seen in over two years.  Her family is absolutely lovely.  She made George the most beautiful quilt.  On it is embroidered an image of a little stuffie fox that was going to go into his nursery.  It's perfect. 

This afternoon I am having lunch with a friend who I haven't seen in months.  The last time I saw her I was a slobbering mess.  The only difference between me all those weeks ago and the current me is that I can put on a smiling face and pretend that I am not as sad as I really am.

I just want to wait for this day to pass into the next while laying in bed with the covers pulled over my head. 

My heart hurts.

Life is unfair.

I want my son back.